So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
