Having a random hookup so left but love u
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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