sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
