Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
