pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
