I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
