That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize