five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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