If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize