I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize