Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
