you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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