I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
