drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
