lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
