i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
