I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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