my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
