So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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