And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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