Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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