i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
