After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
