you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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