Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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