My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like eating out sand paper
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this just has baby written all over it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize