I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
