So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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