I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
