I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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