I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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