I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
