Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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(703): View more from Virginia

She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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(240): View more from Maryland

YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

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(775): View more from Nevada

For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet

(775): View more from Nevada

Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now

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(415): View more from California

You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes

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