how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
