he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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