Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
