I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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