Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
did i walk over a car last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
