The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
