I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
