If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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