My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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