so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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