i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
