i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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