Im at strip club and am horny
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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