I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
