I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't deserve a penis
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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