did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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