Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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