she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
