2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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