He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
