Got a toothbrush?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a hoe opinion
go on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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