help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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