Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
