I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
