The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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