Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
