Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
