she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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