Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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