Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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