Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
